Setting boundaries in dating
She shared these examples: “If you aren’t home by 7 p.m.every night, I will not have sex with you,” “If you don’t do X, I will hurt myself” or “You are not allowed to do X, but I can do it when I please.”Vague boundaries also don’t work. For instance, you want your partner to recognize your accomplishments. D, a clinical psychologist in Pasadena, Calif, defines a boundary as “the line where I end and someone else begins.” He likens boundaries in relationships to the boundaries around states.“Without any line the distinction becomes confusing: Who owns and maintains this ambiguous space? ”When the boundary is clearly defined and respected, you don’t need walls or electric fences, he said.
Right now my life is pretty peaceful and setting rules for how people should treat me has made this possible.Communicating what we need is a way of protecting ourselves in relationships and protecting others from the pain of hurting us.Hint: Where and when you can, state some of the important “deal breaking” boundaries you absolutely need anyone you might date to know.Such boundaries are usually unrealistic and don’t last, she said.She shared these examples: “You can never” or “You must always.”Other poor boundaries alienate you from your partner, have a double standard or try to manipulate an outcome, she said.